It has been weeks since I desired to write in my note but I couldn’t, simply because there’s nothing interesting to write about. To my frustration, I published my assignments in my Literature class (see my previous notes). Things went flat the whole summer not until what I realized this morning.
Three sunsets ago, I and my boyfriend were talking about the misfortunes that the people in Wonderland were facing because of a hypocrite king and an atheist queen. The week before, I said that God is more powerful than those wicked people and that He will not let the people in Wonderland suffer, but on that night I asked my boyfriend if God is powerful why does he let these things happen to the people of Wonderland? This led me to question if God really exists. That night I skipped from saying my thanks to God because I was so hurt with what is happening to the people of Wonderland. Just yesterday I found out what the king and queen are facing, one Wonderlander said that the pair is starting to pay the debts they have to the afflicted Wonderlanders and it is God who is asking for the payment. When I read that, I almost cried because instantly I was ashamed of what I’ve done to God. I questioned his existence.
Within this week also, I have beyond doubt forgiven myself and my friends for whatever that had happened to us. I have prayed for enlightenment and acceptance for five long years but it seemed that God didn’t give me what I wanted – a heart that is free from hurt. Last week, when my Nanay brought this old magazine issue, I read an article about forgiveness - what it is and how it works. Finally, after almost six years I found the answer to my question. And I know it is God who has worked on that serendipitous moment. Indeed, everything happens for a reason. We may hurt people or people may hurt us. The damage is done yes! But the most important thing is forgiveness and humility. Isn’t it better when we can proudly say that we were wrong, we learned and we’re so much better now?
With these circumstances, I realized that “an eye for an eye” isn’t always applicable for in these instances it would just make things worse. And worst, when we try to change ourselves to the point of hurting just to inflict pain to the people we hate. We become evil, resentful and egoistic though we’re innately good, kind and happy. I remember a pastor from Pagadian who said that we must not hurt people, for if we do, it’s so much dangerous when they report to God and it is God who would seek vengeance for them. Right, we reap what we sow.
Indeed, when we offer everything to God, when we do our best and let him handle the rest, be it in our work or in our relationships, we would realize that things happen for the BEST reasons. Truly, God is love and love moves in mysterious ways; thus, God moves in mysterious ways too. There are always answers to our prayers and questions; some may come after years while some after months or even days. But I tell you, never doubt the existence of God for God exists, God is ALIVE and God is working. Just call.
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